white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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