someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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