I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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