1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize