Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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