piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize