The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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