If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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