I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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