we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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