Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize