she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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