What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
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Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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