And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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