I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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