My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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