i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize