can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize