just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize