You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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