I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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