Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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