So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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