I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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