So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You left your phone here
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