I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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