This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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