he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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