I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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