when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize