my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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