to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm both gender and math confused
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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