If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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