Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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