RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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