Umm I'm too high to move.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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