I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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