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Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
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