Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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