Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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