the condom got lost in my hair
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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