I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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