it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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