you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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