I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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