btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize