p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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