well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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