1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize