Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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