I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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